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 With the divorce rate increasing day by day, one of the reasons for marriage failure in our communities and churches is lack of marriage preparation among the youth. We can blame the old fashion family set-up and traditions, but one good thing about them was the transfer of knowledge and wisdom. Our ancestors used to invest time and energy to communicate with the younger ones and impart them with the know-how that they heard and experienced throughout their years of existence. We have, unfortunately left this role to the so called celebrities and TV personalities who can’t even stay married for a year. And those who try to educate our children don’t even believe in this divine institution called marriage.
Let me share with you 5 tips for marriage preparation:
1. Deal with your demons
We all have our demons to deal with and acknowledging that is a great step toward positive change. Understand that whatever you are today is a product of the so many experiences of life. The challenges that you have encountered and the joyful moments that you have celebrated have made you are today. Everything we know, we have learnt either formally or otherwise.
The bible says “As a man thinks so he is”! So, you are a product of the information stored in your mind and heart as the sub-conscious. The one million Rand question is “what do you know or what have you learnt throughout the years of your existence?”
Is it a life of revenge, unforgiveness, unfaithfulness, no moral values or standard?
How do you value a man or a woman?
How to you value this institution called marriage?
How is your father treating your mother?
How is your mother treating your father?
What about the in-laws in terms of your father and mother relationship?
Do you have a good model of a father or mother?
Do you have a good model of a married couple that you can refer to?
What about your character? How do you communicate with others?
How do you value yourself?
You have to sort yourself before engaging in this journey!
If not yet sure of where to start and how to go about it, consult a counsellor or contact us for pre-marital counselling and personal development.
Tel: +2711 039 2784 –
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2. Forgive all the ex-boy / girl friends
As we grow, engage ourselves in many activities and relationships even the wrong ones, for so many reasons that I not going to discuss in this newsletter, young people come out of relationships hurt, bruised and damaged. I have heard so many times words such as “I will never forgive her or him!” What you don’t realize is that by refusing to forgive and not letting go of them, you keep them in your heart and move with them into any new relationship. The heart is the kingdom of your sub-conscious; this means that after you have forgotten about many things your heart keeps a record of things that seem to be very important or things that matter a lot to you! Do you really want to keep these men that hurt you in your heart? Would you bring them in all your relationships? They will spoil and damage your relationship and marriage! Let them go and enjoy your future, your marriage! You don’t want to find yourself with three to four men or women in your marriage. Divorce them properly before getting married by genuinely forgiving them.
3. Let both families know
Marriage is a matter of two families. Some cultures pay the bride price while some others don’t! it really doesn’t matter if you practice bride price or not, the two families must be involved. They might choose or decide for you, but they need to be involved in the process. Our parents have more experience than us. They have seen what you have never dreamt of seeing. In today’s society, we tend to take our parents experiences and wisdom for granted and we actually think that we know better. Most of us refuse to listen to our parents when it comes to marriage and regret later. I am not saying that they are always right but let us at least listen and take into consideration what they say. Involving the two families in the process of engagement and courtship provides you with the opportunity to understand your partner’s background. This is crucial. Your partner comes from somewhere and they belong a certain family tree! Don’t be deceived by trying to keep it between the two of you and make all decisions.
4. Pray together
Once you have decided to say yes to this man, take time to pray and even pray together. Praying together allows you to bond in the Lord and lay a godly foundation for your future marriage. People with same spiritual values tend to have a more peaceful and harmonious marriage. They tend to speak the same language since they hear and believe in the same moral and spiritual values. If possible, attend the same church and have the same spiritual foundation. Having similar spiritual and moral background allows easy problem solving in the couples before and after the wedding.
Family and Marriage Today & Forever
Building Strong Communities through Strong Marriages
Tel: +2711 039 2784
Fax: 086 600 3536
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