Successful Families and Marriages

It is amazing to see how couples and relationships break down each day just for lack of forgiveness. We need to realize that this world is full of evil and evil is to be with us, around us and it will always affect us. So, stop asking the question “why is evil so evil?” or “why am I a victim of evil?” These questions will not resolve any problems. The right question should be “How do I react when evil knocks at my door?”

 Wouldn’t be a wonderful thing if we could live in a world where evil was only a dream?

Evil happening in someone else’s life is not always the same as when it happens to you. This world is full of evil and the wise book – the bible says that the times are bad or evil. We live with evil every single day of our lives.

5 tips for forgiving him or her:

1.    Establish the fact that he or she is not “the evil”

Evil is not a human being rather an attitude, state of mind, state of soul or spirit. Although evil manifests itself through people or human beings, people are not the “evil.”

It is my responsibility as a counsellor and servant of the living God to clarify this point. People are not equal to evil. People can act in an evil way but that does not mean that they become evil. Even when your partner acts evil or does evil against you, never perceive them as evil. Remember that evil is a state of mind, soul or spirit.

Once you understand and agree with this simple concept of humanity, you would also understand why and how people love even the so called monsters.

The beauty and the beast!

2.    Understand his / her background

Understanding your partner’s or spouse’s is as crucial as loving them. Your spouse’s or partner’s background determines their behavior pattern. Their believes, character, philosophies of life and their thinking pattern depend directly on this background.  Understand the family backgrounds in terms of finances, relationships, number of children in the family, which number is he / she in the family… Are their parents still together, how is their relationships with their siblings and parents? Religious backgrounds also play a big role in how we deal with issues / problems and our problems solving styles. If you haven’t checked your partner’s background, please do it and it will help you understand him or her.

3.    Learn the lessons and turn the problems into opportunities

Every problem has the potential to teach you something new or improved version. Problems are there to challenge us and give us the opportunity to know each other and understand each other even better. In your problem solving, you need to be creative so that problems could be turned into opportunities. Friction is good for a successful relationship. Problems create an opportunity for friction and friction removes dust and rust. It might be because of lack of attention to each other that some problems have started arising in your relationship. So, some frictions are just essential as a wakeup call or eye opener on more serious issues that have not been given enough attention.

What is it for you to learn through this problem? That’s the question to ask! Learn as soon as possible otherwise, you will carry on facing same problems until you learn and pass this particular class that you are in now.

4.    Focus on the goals set

Problems or issues or rather challenges will always be there and one has to resolve them one way or the other. One way that I have found is that keeping focus on goals and right priorities helps a lot. For any issue that arises, just let us keep together toward the goals set for our couple or family. This might be a good opportunity to remind you that you need to have clear goals as a couple so that you may keep it together. A couple with no vision or goals is just a couple with unexpressed vision of divorce. A discussion with a vision in view is more concise and focused. Focus on the goals rather than people or your partner. Remember that you are not going to solve a person but a problem. People don’t get solved but problems do!

Instead of focusing on your partner and try change him or her, focus on the reason why you are having that conversation or discussion.  

5.    Decide to forgive for you and not for them

Forgiveness is a decision and not a mere feeling. One has to make that decision to forgive and forgive genuinely. Forgiveness doesn’t to feel right. Even when it doesn’t feel right, just do it for your own good. The benefits of forgiving are just too greater than unforgiveness. Unforginess is the mother bitterness and resentment while these are the main causes of sicknesses such as blood pressure, ulcers, heart problems… Unforginess keeps you in the past and forces you not to move forward in life or in your relationship with your spouse and children. Unforgiveness makes you a prisoner of the ones that you refuse to forgive. Refusing to forgive is the same as drinking a bottle of poison and hoping that the person that hurts you shall die of it. Let me tell you that those who hurt you have even already forgotten of what they did to you. They are happy wherever they are and you…

Come on, make up your mind and forgive them.

As I always say, these people don’t even deserve to be the centre of all your thoughts. Let them go and see how happy, joyous and prosperous you shall be in your relationship. Forgive your partner because you need to be with him or her for the rest of your life and forgive them to keep a harmonious and loving atmosphere in your house.

Part 2 – Coming soon (only for registered members)

Family and Marriage Today & Forever

Building Strong Communities through Strong Marriages

Tel: +2711 039 2784

Fax: 086 600 3536

Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it